Within your heart lives a beautiful soul – radiant as a smiling baby. Give yourself kindness and love. Receive like a godling – a new arrival from Source.
Baby Annabel, my granddaughter
Being gentle and kind to yourself will support your well-being more effectively than adopting a harsh exercise regime or diet that you don’t truly enjoy.
Stay connected to your body’s subtle signals. Learn to distinguish contraction from expansion throughout the day. This practice is fundamental to emotional connection – and emotional intelligence–and essential to embodied spirituality. Your body’s wisdom may be overridden by adopting a cookie-cutter approach to self-care. Self-care, including diet and exercise routines, are more effective when they are grounded in connection with your body.
Are you kind to yourself?
Is your self-talk supportive, or critical?
To be transparent, I became a spiritual mentor because of my own deep hunger for the Divine–despite the negativity in my personality. Although I’m far less critical of myself than I was as a teenager or young adult, last fall, a certain situation ignited self-critical thoughts, which bubbled up from old background conversations.
I was sick with a flu-like virus. I had fever, a sore throat and congestion. My lungs hurt. When I spoke with a friend on the phone, she said, “You sound terrible!”
I used some of my abundance of unscheduled time to sit still, connect with my breath and stay quiet. That allowed me to notice harsh internal conversations – without being overtaken by them. Around day four of the illness, I sensed a dark pit of old, negative beliefs and thoughts about being sick – family and cultural standards from harsher times.
I uncovered previously unarticulated standards about sickness – such as: “being sick makes you less worthy.” “You should be able to control your body.” “Only wimps get sick.”
In some religious and cultural conversations, sickness is seen as a sign of weakness. Acknowledging our vulnerability is seen as distasteful – even threatening.
Yet honoring your vulnerability is necessary. It allows you to identify your needs – and make requests that they be met.
You can only heal as fast as the slowest part of you can heal.
We all carry unexamined beliefs in our unspoken – or background conversations – beliefs that may contradict our true values. We may have inherited beliefs about the body that are harsh and punishing. As a spiritual coach, I am passionate about loving the most unhealed parts of myself as well as I am able to do so.
Being embodied is a daily practice – and a lifelong exploration. When background conversations, ancestral, cultural or religious surface, we can challenge them – and change them.
My purpose is to assist your experience of union between your Divine and human selves, and guide your soul’s journeys between Source and Earth. The Akashic is a formless space – that precedes and generates form. Practicing self-kindness eases the way for your personality to merge with your soul.
Consider these questions:
- Does being hard on yourself open or close your heart?
- Does criticizing yourself help you want to learn new skills?
- Does your effectiveness in the world increase when you withhold love from yourself?
I learned from my work with flower essences that guilt causes you to withhold love from yourself.
While I was sick for ten days, my most effective healing effort was to introduce kindness into my self-talk. I told myself, “It’s not easy to feel so crummy.” “Rest now – the world will still be there. You may miss doing some things you wanted to do, but the most important thing is getting better.”
To the part of me that resisted feeling vulnerable, I said, “When you’re sick, you need to rest and sleep, so you can heal.” “I’ll take care of you.” “I’m here with you – you are not alone.”
I practice self-compassion in every day. It brings me ease of well-being, I have less resistance to what is happening in the moment. I want this for you, too.
Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas in Austin teaches self-compassion. Below are some statements from her self-compassion test. Read them to get started on your practice, or take the test here.
I’m disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies.
When I’m feeling down I tend to fixate on everything that’s wrong.
When things are going badly for me, I see the difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through.
I try to be loving towards myself when I’m feeling emotional pain.
When I’m down and out, I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am.
When times are really difficult, I tend to be tough on myself.
When something upsets me I try to keep my emotions in balance.
When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people.
When I’m going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need.
When I see aspects of myself that I don’t like, I get down on myself.
I’m kind to myself when I’m experiencing suffering.
When I’m feeling down I try to approach my feelings with curiosity and openness.
I’m tolerant of my own flaws and inadequacies.
I try to be understanding and patient towards those aspects of my personality I don’t like.
Today, and every day in 2016, please join me in this practice:
Be kind to yourself
By New Year’s 2017, self-kindness will be your new normal.
You will have greater ease of well-being.
And be more connected with your soul.
What does this invitation stir in you? – I invite you to post your comments below.
In my own life I have found that embodied self-kindness is the very best practice for vital well being in all domains of life! Thank you Nancy for giving us some guidelines to keep our hearts open via this practice, thus bringing the fullness of our Being into all relationships. What if everyone in the world practiced self-kindness? Bet our relationships with others and our planet would be dramatically changed…..and with ourselves. Two hands at my heart Nancy Kern!
Beautiful, Gaye. My heart says “Yes, Yes, Yes!”